


Jowan's Lament

by ArishoksBride



Category: Dragon Age Origins
Genre: Blood Magic, Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 12:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4960933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArishoksBride/pseuds/ArishoksBride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fiction was written as my entry for the October Minor Character Challenge, where Jowan was the protagonist. It is set pre-Blight inside Ferelden's Circle of Magi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jowan's Lament

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to Bioware and I make no profit from this fanfiction.

# Jowan's Lament

**O** f all the stupidest, impulsive, ill advised things he had done in his life, this had to top them all. Jowan looked down at his shaking hands and stared wide-eyed, horrified. They were covered in blood, his blood. Then he dared to glance down to see the blood dripping from the slash in his forearms and crimson pool at his feet. There was a brief moment of euphoria when he realized his spell had worked – the test subject, a small rat, lying in front of him was but a smear on the floor. Then he was overcome with tremendous guilt and fear, he didn't mean to kill the critter, just knock it out. What had he done?

The apprenticed mage backed up slowly, transfixed on the poor butchered animal, or what was left of it. He hit the stone wall hard, and it was enough to revive him from his reverie in time to hear armored footsteps approaching. With a startled gasp, Jowan frantically wiped his hands on his velvet robes, knowing that alone would not cleanse him of the heinous act. He took off swiftly, keeping his eyes averted from the passing templars, and further along, the mages, lest his anxious tell-tale expression give him away. He turned a corner and took the flight of stairs that would lead him back to his quarters and from there, the communal bath house.

In record time he stripped down to his smalls and lit a fire magically, heating up the iron tub in front of him instantaneously. Jowan made a flourish with his wrist and the water simmered to a lukewarm state and the mage eased back into the bath, and began to scrub at his hands, forearms and fingernails in earnest. He ignored the curious stares of the other bathers and when they realized he wasn't about to explain his haste, they promptly went about their business.

_Stupid, so stupid, he thought. If I had lingered another moment on that spell, I'd have been caught for sure, and if she found out... Maker forgive me._ Jowan felt the sting behind his eyes but refused to let the tears fall. He knew what he was doing, at least he thought he knew what he was doing, and was well aware of the consequences. For the last eight weeks he had been under the secret tutelage of Senior Enchanter Uldred practicing the forbidden art of blood magic. In fact, Jowan had been finishing off what the older mage had described as 'homework', and this was not the first time the naive apprentice had questioned the morality of this particular craft, though there was no mistaking the potency of such raw magic.

However, it had to be their secret, the older man explained during offense class. No-one must know. Jowan was shocked at first, it was a common fact the penalty of using blood magic was death, but to be teaching it right under the First Enchanter and Knight Commander's noses? Jowan could did not wish to imagine what the authorities would do if they discovered the Senior Enchanter's activities. Uldred was, after all, the most proficient at rooting out blood mages to the Chantry.

Jowan didn't have a moment to think about the older man's motivations, though. Uldred was a sly mage and wasted no time exploiting and manipulating the naive apprentice. Uldred saw Jowan's burning desire to become powerful, saw how he craved to prove himself to his fellow mages and the templars. And most dangerous of all, Jowan's paralytic fear of being made Tranquil.

He pressed his advantage, whispering malicious temptation, cleverly disguised as immeasurable rewards, unlimited power, to be forever fearless. Overwhelmed with heady desire for all those things, Jowan easily succumbed to Uldred's influence. And so it was for the next eight weeks. Jowan had been sneaking into Uldred's chambers to practice the dark arts to become better equipped for what horrors might lie in wait for him in the Harrowing.

But that day would not come, Jowan had recently discovered. Somehow word had gotten back to Greagoir and Irving, rumors for now, but enough to suspend his chance at the Harrowing, and to prevent his right of passage to full mage status. Jowan had been livid by the news at first, then frightened out of his wits once he had an opportunity to think clearly. He knew what would happen to him and knew he must escape, by any means necessary. 

He knew all this and more thanks to his beloved, Initiate Lilly. The mere thought of his scarlett-haired seraphim brought a smile to the weary mages' face. She was his only light in this dismal place, kept him focused on what he was fighting for – to be a stronger mage. He knew that if she got caught passing information to him her punishment would be similar and he could not let that happen. All the more imperative to keep his recreational activities secret.

After cleaning up as much as he could, Jowan arose and toweled himself dry before dressing. Already a plan was forming in his mind, he needed to gain access into the Circle's repository, and he knew just the person to aid him.

Jowan made his way back to his bunk and frowned down at the bed beside him. His long-time friend, Alim Surana, was sprawled out on his back and twisting himself up in his sheets. His long blonde braided hair flicked from side to side as the elf vigorously shook his head, his face contorting with pain. He must be having a nightmare, Jowan thought. With a stab of jealousy, Jowan remembered that his friend had undertook his Harrowing only last night as was now a fully fledged mage. He pushed his resentful feelings to the side and prepared for the task of enlisting in Alim's aid. 

The elf opened his eyes, blinked, and moaned groggily. When he noticed Jowan looming over him, Alim flinched. Then he frowned when Jowan laughed nervously at him. There was something quite off about the older mage, and Alim struggled to sense what. He quickly put that thought aside when Jowan said, “So.. I have a favor to ask you, my friend...”

*** * * ***

**J** owan had managed to convince his friend to help him escape, and denied all rumors that he was a blood mage. The older apprentice explained that Lilly had been the one to discover the Knight Commander's intent on making him Tranquil and that Irving not only concurred, he endorsed it. He was almost hysterical when he revealed his magical castration was imminent, and Alim had to drag Jowan to a darker corner of the chapel to calm him down.

Alim had followed Jowan's instructions and had Owain loan him the rod of fire and the trio made their way into the repository to find and destroy Jowan's phylactery. After many trials and tribulations they did indeed find the jar of blood and Jowan promptly destroyed it. But alas, the jubilation was short lived. As soon as they exited the repository they were set upon by non other than First Enchanter Irving, Knight Commander Greagoir and a handful of his finest templars.

The trio stopped short as soon as they saw authorities. Jowan felt his heart slam in his chest and he clenched his fists angrily. It couldn't end like this, surely? “You don't care for the welfare of us mages!” Jowan cried passionately, suddenly free of his inhibitions. 

The Knight Enchanter was not moved by his plea, and motioned for his templars to seize Lilly and Alim. “An initiate conspiring with a blood mage. I am disappointed, Lilly.” He gave her a once over and frowned. “She seems shocked, but fully in control of her own mind. Not a thrall of the blood mage then.” He hung his head and shook it regretfully. “You were right, Irving. The initiate has betrayed us. The Chantry will not let this go unpunished.”

Lilly trembled beside Jowan, not knowing what to say or do. There was doubt written all over her face, however, and Jowan could feel himself beginning to lose control...

Greagoir turned to Alim and sneered. “And this one, newly a mage, and already flouting the rules of the Circle.”

Alim was about to reply when Jowan stepped forward, seething. “It's not his fault! This was _my_ idea!”

“Enough!” The grey bearded Knight Commander thundered. “As Knight Commander of all the templars here assembled, I sentence this blood mage to death. And this initiate has scorned the Chantry and her vows . Take her to Aeonar.”

Lilly gasped, and backed up quickly, utterly terrified. “The mages prison! No... please, not there!”

Something inside Jowan snapped. In that split second he felt a powerful surge of anger, and then a hot white light flash in the back of his mind. “No! I won't let you touch her!” In an instant he reached for the dagger inside his robes and brought in swishing downwards, slashing into his palm. Alim and Lilly stared, shocked, at Jowan and watched in horror as the older mage drew upon the entropy magic weeping from his wound. A black void-like energy swirled beneath his feet and then both his hands were bleeding.

He thrust both hands out and everyone bar Lilly and Alim were thrown savagely to their feet, knocked unconscious. Jowan could feel the energy pull at his insides, voices in the recesses of his mind whispering hateful, malevolent things to him. Appalled and disgusted, the unstable mage managed to calm himself to a point. As if in a haze he searched the room, trying to find out if his companions were unharmed. He found Lilly first, and her expression told him everything he needed to know. She was terrified, horrified by what she had witnessed. She backed up rapidly, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. “By the Maker... blood magic! H... how could you? You said you never...”

Jowan outstretched a bloodied hand to her and tears stung behind his eyes when she recoiled sharply. “I admit I... dabbled! I thought it would make me a better mage!”

“Blood magic is evil, Jowan. It corrupts people... changes them...” Lilly's eyes were as wide as saucers. 

Jowan shook his head, pleading with her to understand. “I'm going to give it all up. All magic. I just want to be with you, Lilly. Please, come with me...”

Tears fell from Lilly's eyes as she hung her head, no longer backtracking. Her expression changed from disgust to regret. She placed her head in her hands and wept harder. “I trusted you. I was ready to sacrifice everything for you... I... I don't know who you are, blood mage. Stay away from me...”

Jowan finally wept too. He slowly pulled his hand away and gave her one last mournful glance before he heard the templars and Irving stir. He looked apologetically at Alim, then, realising he had only minutes to escape or be struck down where he stood, Jowan turned on his heel and ran. He never looked back.  



End file.
